So, the other night I managed to tick something off my bucket list: the famous three way. I can’t lie, it was pretty fucking incredible, largely due to the fact that I was somewhat of the catalyst of the threesome. I managed to combine two friends who both admitted to wanting me, but could take or leave each other. Jackpot? Yes, you would think so.
But given my observations of the threesome, there are a few different aspects that pray on my mind rather a lot. Does my bisexuality make the threesome easier? Is there always going to be one person who’s a little left out? Is it easier with friends or strangers? Essentially, it boils down to, can you really have a threesome and chill?
It was quite a funny night really. I’d gone for cocktails with my friend’s two very ‘cool’ artist friends. You know, the type who actually know about different types of whiskey and sit contemplating the futility of life on a daily basis. Naturally, against all of my better thoughts, I wanted to fuck both of their brains out. I have a real thing for arrogance especially when you combine it with talent and creativity.
I spent most of the night seriously marking the guy, so you could say my natural inclination that night was towards him. He was so arrogant and obnoxious and I wanted it so badly. So after hanging out for a little while he mentions he has a girlfriend and I had to do that ‘oh’. You know, that ‘oh’ that means ‘fuck you I’ve wasted my time, I wanted to sit on your face all night and now you drop a girlfriend on me’. Yeah, that ‘oh’.
But me being me, I picked myself up, accepted I wasn’t going to get any sex that night and headed to the toilet. When I got back, the boy, lets call him ‘James’, turned to me and said ‘Scarlett, I didn’t know you were a lesbian?’ I turned to him, laughing as it was obvious what had gone down when I was in the bathroom.
‘I’m not a lesbian, I’m just bisexual and seeing a girl’, I laughed, then noticing that the girl across the table, who we will call ‘Tess’, had started watching me a little more closely. It’s always a funny turn of events when people find out you swing both ways. I’m very aware that 90% of the time people turn it into some sort of strange sexual fantasy in their mind, also assuming that I’m literally game for sex with almost anyone. The stereotype for bisexuals is that we’re greedy and will fuck almost anything that moves. I’m not greatly helping this stereotype, as a sex blogger who fucks a few different people each week, but hey… they’re not all like me!
So anyway, James then admits to telling everyone he’d been wanting to kiss me all night when I went to the bathroom. Then, Tess, who is a little younger than me, admits to fantasising about girls and that she really wants to sleep with a girl.
So here I am, sat in between these two skinny, pale, coffee-drinking, pretentious hipsters who want this simple British girl. I had to laugh. Everyone laughed. Trying to keep my cool, I asked the girl if she wanted to go for a drink, to which, of course, she was delighted and willing to. She was a cute girl, only eighteen but definitely mature beyond her years and I was happy to show her the ropes a bit.
After a few more drinks and some more ridiculous conversation we headed back to the two guys’ house. Somehow, despite being with some hardened drinkers, I managed to be the only person who didn’t throw up or have to take a tactical shower and sit slumped against the bed drinking a glass of water. But anyway, after an hour or so, when my friend had passed out in bed, James, Tess and I decided we would all get into James’ bed to ‘cuddle and sleep’ (have you ever heard of a bigger load of shit?) Especially because by this point I had found out James’ relationship was an open one.
So yeah, there I was, lying in bed, James spooning me and Tess facing me. The lights went off and within thirty seconds I was kissing Tess fervently, with James’ biting my neck and running his hands all over my body. It was fucking hot, I won’t lie to you. But this isn’t a porn site so I won’t ply you with details. But let’s put it this way, we fucked for a good three hours and I’ve never felt so damn wanted.
This is the first point I wanted to make about threesomes. As the person who caused the threesome between two friends, due to them both wanting me, it meant the threesome was pretty damn incredible for me as I generally was in the middle of all the chaos of skinny hipster bodies. But, I was often left pondering whether or not one person felt less included in the threesome, or if I was paying equal attention to both. I found myself leaning a little more towards James, purely because of his experience and the fact he was probably the biggest dick I have ever had in my life.
Although, I did find our mutual bisexuality made things a little easier. Both Tess and I were totally comfortable fucking each other and since we both liked girls, there was none of that awkward in between phase when one of us was fucking James. Honestly, I can’t really imagine having a threesome where one of the people doesn’t want to fuck one of the other ones. I think the whole point of a threesome is that all parties need to be involved. In this sense, I do think being bisexual makes it easier. This isn’t to say heteros shouldn’t enjoy a good threesome too, but just make sure you have an open mind before you go into it.
In this instance, I was definitely leaning toward the more straight side of the spectrum. But, this is not to say I wouldn’t lean more towards the girl in some instances.
So, was I leaving Tess out? Possibly, but I felt like I was giving her equal attention. Possibly the issue was the fact my mind was constantly leading me towards James. When Tess left to get coffee in the morning, James and I fucked again, she knew full well it was happening and didn’t seem to mind. But, possibly I was feeling a little numb to it due to the fact I was the one that caused the threesome.
Another important thing I wanted to cover is positions. In porn, we’re often conditioned to boy boy girl threesomes, watching copious amounts of double penetration, double anal, bukkake and group blowjob scenes. I’ve always found in the porn that portrays girl girl guy threesomes, the positions just seem a little unrealistic and often leave one person out of the fun. One position I would definitely recommend is the guy lying down, with one girl on his face and one girl fucking him. James, who is your classic dominant, complained about not having the control, but enjoyed it all the same. Tess is a submissive and I’m a switch so we managed to work it out pretty well for everyone to get their turn.
One of the main tips I would give is to be chilled out and not expect the entire thing to run like a porn film. You’re not going to be thrashing around constantly in fits of passion. There’s going to be times when you all lie back and start giggling at what you’re doing. You’re going to have times when you have to stop and have to sort of negotiate positions. There will be times when maybe one person is feeling a little less into it than the others so you essentially have to be comfortable with having someone sit and watch you fuck, or for you to sit and watch someone fucking. It’s essential that you laugh at yourself, and try not to feel awkward or make anyone else feel awkward. When it boils down to it, you’re having a threesome, just be open-minded and go with it.
We ended the night eventually agreeing that we may meet up individually for sex but wouldn’t have any organised threesomes. I liked this, as organising a threesome is something I just wouldn’t do. The way I see it, it should be a drunken, spontaneous thing that your older self will look back on and laugh at. It shouldn’t be an awkward, organised encounter with loads of build-up. That’s strange, formal and realistically who wants that when they’re fucking?
So kids, grab yourselves some sexually liberated hipsters, drink a few too many cocktails and fuck their brains out at the same time. It’s pretty fun and a rightful tick off the bucket list.
Threesome and chill? Yes I think so.